


Mendacium

by 2facedlovers



Category: Half Life VR But The AI Is Self Aware
Genre: Angst, Body Horror, M/M, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Realization, They/Themrey, but the implications are definitely there if you know where to look, if i decide to pull this beyond a one-shot.., inspired by hello charlotte, just.. just a little Bit, self-awareness, slowburn???maybe?, won't be angst all the way though!
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-10
Updated: 2020-06-10
Packaged: 2021-03-04 02:48:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 943
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24646708
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/2facedlovers/pseuds/2facedlovers
Summary: Inside a world, Benrey dreamt and inside the dream, Gordon was the world.Hello, world!Hello, Gordon.
Relationships: Benrey & Gordon Freeman, Benrey/Gordon Freeman
Comments: 14
Kudos: 109





	Mendacium

**Author's Note:**

> this is my first ever fic that i have posted (if we choose to ignore the utter embarrassment of a fanfic i posted when i was 13 on FFN). a lot of what is on here is inspired by horror rpgs and in particular hello, charlotte! and inspired i mean directly ripped off like 3 lines. my benrey description also takes inspo from @canidswain on here (boyf) so go read lups stuff!! i don't usually write angst and i feel a little uncomfortable writing it but i'm a HUGE fan of breaking the 4th wall "this is just a game" shit. this is supposed to be a one-shot but if i get the inspiration to i might upload another chapter or 10. enjoy !

Inside a world, Benrey dreamt. And inside the dream Gordon was the world.

When he first came to, the security guard only knew of the world inside the dream. A small one, blurry at the edges and shallow in its center. And for the few several minutes of his existence, he was convinced that he had always been a part of it. They were convinced that after their shift was over, they would go home, invite their friend Josh and they would play video games together. They were convinced that they would go to work tomorrow, too and repeat this purposeless cycle for however long it lasted. They were convinced that all was well inside the world inside the dream.

Gordon Freeman passed by him and Benrey woke up.

The instant the brown-haired man turned the corner reality seemed to shift and fold into itself, into Benrey. Somebody had taken a blade directly to the security guard’s temple and pushing it in as knowledge of the world outside the dream flooded him. Would he drown? There was an endless black hole in their chest, and it was going to consume them. The walls were closing in - the walls were _disappearing -_ the floor was sinking, and red eyes glanced at what was Not Here. Just as the pressure was getting unbearable, just as the pain in their head was about to split their skull open in two, just as gravity was about to tear apart their bones like they were plastic – the edges of their reality snapped into their proper place.

Hello, world!

Benrey straightened up. Only seconds had passed. This was alright. He turned on his heel and followed Gordon. He engaged him in conversation, however silly it was, but nothing of what Gordon was saying truly reached his ears. The more the bespectacled man stood in front of them, the more it became apparent to them. The center of the world was here, right in front of them. Benrey stayed where the center was. This would be alright.

Hello, Gordon.

A part of the security guard was fearful of what there was beyond the core inside the dream. The first time he died made him all the more afraid. It was, perhaps, a stupid way to go - being crushed by the pressure of a metal door and all. They had closed their eyes the moment it had happened, truly thinking nothing of it for some reason and opened them again to be met with the dark and the quiet. They lifted their hand to their face, but there was only void. The only solid thing in this place was his conscious, and his conscious was _terrified_.

He tried turning his head to the left and right but there were no directions here. He tried to let out a sound, but he didn’t have the vocal cords to do it with. He tried and tried and tried to do anything, anything at all and he failed to every single time. Because there was nothing to do here. Only Nothingness stood patiently and gripped his mind in hands that didn’t feel like anything. This was what awaited them when the dream ended.

When they came back, they decided they didn’t want the dream to end.

What _didn’t_ he do to keep Gordon close and to keep him where here was? They tried to protect him best they could from Black Mesa’s dangers, they fucked around with him and jabbed at and with him. In the end, they turned into what they didn’t wish to be in the first place – the bad guy. But if it kept the Nothingness at bay – if it kept Gordon close - then it was alright.

It was alright when their body contorted, and flesh started tearing itself from their skull, when skin got entangled in marrow and when his maw hung open as blood cascaded down from it. It was alright when they stood in front of the science team – in front of Gordon’s terrified yet determined stare – rising hundreds of feet above them, gazing down at them with thousands of eyes. It was _alright_ when they became the monster, the villain that Gordon’s dream needed.

When he ‘defeated’ him, when the science team went together to celebrate the end of the big bad it crushed something within him. Benrey realized that his wasn’t alright. He still had things he wanted to _do_ , he still wanted to talk to Gordon. Bitter rose inside his throat and bloomed on his tongue. He didn’t want the game to stop.

The end credits wouldn’t stop rolling.

Coomer was there. He gave a speech to however Gordon was listening, wearing a big smile on his face and his tone light as always, a not-so hidden plea to not let them rot into the Nothingness. Benrey didn’t have the gall to let his pessimism seep into the doctor’s heart.

The speech was over and so was everything. The lights were turned off and the stillness prevailed. Benrey was back in the Nothingness, where time didn’t matter and neither did anything else. Where _hopefully_ he wouldn’t spend the rest of his days. He wondered if anyone else other than Coomer and himself had this self-awareness. Did it really matter?

Inevitably, Gordon will open the game again. He will go back in and everything will be just like it always has been. Creatures and people alike will take a breath. The world will rebuild itself from scratch and they would open their eyes again. He will see Gordon again. Surely. _Surely._

Inside a world, Benrey dreamt. Inside the dream, Gordon was the world.

Wake up.

Hello, Gordon!


End file.
